During meditation, more often than is probably necessary, my “meditation” includes a session in which my mind mulls over and chews up all of the spiritual difficulties I am currently facing. It is neither a “confessional” nor a “prayer for forgiveness” but maybe an attempt to gain some clarity on what is happening and why. Maybe?
The funny part is often when I do this, words flow through my head as though I am talking it all out with myself. Maybe quietude would be preferable. Nonetheless it is a part of my sadhana. And it probably will remain so. Recently I was mulling over a nagging thought process which I could do without, and my mind began to wander off to a certain word I was looking for.
I must like to impress Lord Vishnu with my vocabulary. I don’t know.
I was looking for a word similar to “nagging” or “incessent” in regard to this thought process. All of a sudden, in mid-thought, the word “Impetuous” rattled throughout my brainspace. Seriously, as though not coming from my thought process but as though interrupting my thought process. I thought fine, okay, impetuous. I finished my train of thought, and cut it short so that I could conduct some japa followed by some other rituals that I like to carry out.
Later I found out that the word Impetuous has nothing to do with nagging. It has more to do with acting impulsively, or “without a care” as Google informs me.
Yeah. My vocabulary isn’t that great.
Funny though. I was concerning myself with how the repetition of a certain thought process may be damaging to my Self, when really the key thing that needs to be attended to is not the repetition, but the awareness of the goings-on of my mind leading me to the above-mentioned state of mind. Mental carelessness. Impulsiveness can be a great thing when well guided by wisdom. But not in the case of negative thought processes.
In short, impetuous leads to incessant. That is the process. Between lies a bridge to be burned should one wish to discontinue those “nagging” negative thoughts. In the meantime it is important to remember that they are only thoughts.
Aum Ganeshaya Namaha
Jai Sri Shanidev