I have been letting my feelings kind of flow where they will, letting things work themselves out in regard to the death of my cousin (see previous post). Yesterday I attended the weekly Bhagavad-Gita discussion group at my local Temple, and without my urging, we somehow ended up on the subject of suicide. So I decided to chime in, telling the story of my cousin, and expressing the confusion I had in relation to whether this happened because her soul was just “ready to go” or not. My cousin had, a few months back, asked me if I could recommend any books on Buddhist/Hindu philosophy and inner peace. I had no idea it was anything serious. I just thought she was a seeker like I was. I wish I’d talked with her more about it. But the point is, I wondered if she was really ready, or if she had sought out peace and didn’t find it, or what?
The others in the group were not able to really give me an answers, and I can’t blame them for that. It is a very difficult subject. Especially when I added my concern about being able to provide my family with comfort when my beliefs are so different from theirs.
But one of the men in the Gita group approached me afterward, and made it very uncomplicated without even knowing it. He reminded me that the things that are universal are empathy, and love. Because when it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter if I believe this and you believe that. When we leave this world, intellectual and dogmatic beliefs will be naught. All that matters is that we love God, and we will be comforted. I spent a week thinking that I had to provide some grand answer to why my cousin’s death happened. I think that because I fancy myself a writer that I sometimes assume I will be blessed with the correct words for all occasions. But I know I can’t do that. I think that when things like this happen, in showing those left behind in mourning that love is not gone, you provide them with some kind of “answer.”